the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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