k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
