remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize