You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
