I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
