Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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