speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
