apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
