whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
