I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The ass gains better be worth it
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