I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i now understand why vodka
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
