Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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