Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize