Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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