When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
