He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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