I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
