It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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