btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
