you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
