Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
