Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize