Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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