Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
