chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize