I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
