it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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