She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize