the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
