I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
