you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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