Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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