I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize