good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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