Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
