You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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