Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
