can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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