It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
