He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
