Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
