So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
