We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
