Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
