So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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