Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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