Small penises have feelings too.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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