Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
