Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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