If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
