you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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