The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize