This is not my ceiling
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
