I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
