we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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