She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will be naked everywhere
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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