how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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