but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
