I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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