you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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