go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
