Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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