I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
