I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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