I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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