Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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