Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
